If you could read my mind - Gordon Lightfoot

an old old favorite - remembered and replayed...

"If You Could Read My Mind"

If you could read my mind, love,

What a tale my thoughts could tell.

Just like an old time movie,

'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.

In a castle dark or a fortress strong,

With chains upon my feet.

You know that ghost is me.

And I will never be set free

As long as I'm a ghost that you can't see.

If I could read your mind, love,

What a tale your thoughts could tell.

Just like a paperback novel,

The kind the drugstores sell.

When you reached the part

where the heartaches come,

The hero would be me.

But heroes often fail,

And you won't read that book again

Because the ending's just too hard to take!

I'd walk away like a movie star

Who gets burned in a three way script.

Enter number two: A movie queen to play the scene

Of bringing all the good things out in me.

But for now, love, let's be real;

I never thought I could act this way

And I've got to say that I just don't get it.

I don't know where we went wrong,

But the feeling's gone And I just can't get it back.

If you could read my mind, love,

What a tale my thoughts could tell.

Just like an old time movie,

'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.

In a castle dark or a fortress strong.

With chains upon my feet.

But stories always end,

And if you read between the lines,

You'll know that I'm just tryin' to understand

The feelin's that you lack.

I never thought I could feel this way

And I've got to say that I just don't get it.

I don't know where we went wrong,

But the feelin's gone And I just can't get it back!

License to walk

Having been a pedestrian all my life, this issue is close to my heart. As if the bloody drivers/riders (aka non-pedestrians) with murderous instincts were not bad enough, the Walkers of the world have also started posing some serious impediments. Hence, I think it's time that justice prevail and just like drivers need a license (though fat lot of good *that* does) walkers should need a license. Here's the criteria I have helpfully compiled to aid the drive in case someone in the Government does take note/heed of my suggestion.

The following criteria, if met, opens you to a world of sidewalks, pavements, and stairways. (If not met, do us a favour, stay at home and DIE, cretin!)

1. You are alone and walk in a straight line.

Notable exceptions:
a) when under the influence of alcohol and other narcotic/hallucinogenic substances,
b) when receiving directions from navigationally-challenged friends or co-walkers

Penalty for violation: Aim for the knees, lunge, and don't let go until s/he begs for his/her mother.

2. There are 2-3 of you and you walk in a single file when you see someone approaching from the other direction.

Notable exceptions: NONE

Penalty for violation: (action for opposite side person) Jab (hard) with elbow and step (harder) on person obstructing your path.

3. You move to one side when you hear the words "Excuse" and "me" together.

Notable Exception:
a) when said person is deaf or more likely, dumb.

Penalty for violation: Pull his/her shirt collar and puke your breakfast, lunch, dinner and everything in between in the space between cloth and skin. That should help his/hearing in case of a 'next time'.

4. Landings on stair cases are not where you take important decisions especially during rush hour.

Notable exception:
a) if you've left something behind. In that case take an immediate (read: within nanoseconds) u-turn and join the flow in the opposite direction. Will not be held liable in case anyone gets violent with you for breaking their queue.

Penalty for violation: Cause a stampede.Bury the evidence.

5. You do not walk when you talk or talk when you walk. whatever.

Notable exception:
a) if the talk in question is with inner self and/or the voices in your head

Penalty for violation: You will never walk or talk again.

More lists are in the offing - these will focus on other topics of pertinence:
1) How I mated your mother (handling crowds in buses)
2) Letting go - up or down (using escalators and elevators successfully)
3) YES, you can (life without cellphones)

Feedback to improve/expand the said lists and criteria will be welcome.

25 Random things about me

This was actually one of 'em facebook tag thingies. But, I figured if I made the effort for that, I could use it for this one too. (# 1 on the list will tell you why)

****************************************

Please be warned, that the words 'random' and 'me' are kinda oxymoronic.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. I am 3/4ths lazy and 1/4th over-anxious/scrupulous/manic – somehow, the quarter me manages to battle the rest of me and get things done.
2. I have been many things at various times – idealist, feminist, romanticist, pessimist, etc.…now I am just ‘happy-ist’.
3. I have met my share (and possibly yours too) of psychos in this world. I have also *been* my share of psychos!
4. I am a standard warm/friendly/approachable type, but I (voluntarily) have very few friends in this world.
5. I miss some of the friends I have lost along the way, but I don’t miss the reason/s I am not friends with them anymore.
6. I think my parents and I are mutually lucky people – I am lucky to have them and they are very lucky to have me.
7. My one and only regret in life is that I never pursued sports (a-ny sport) in a like, full-on/full-time manner.
8. I really, really love me-time. It is an absolute daily essential.
9. I never owned any soft toys all my life…until I got married. Now, I have an uncontrollably large (and counting…) family of them!
10. I believe that anti-retrograde amnesia (or whatever the hell Aamir Khan had in Ghajini) has been a malaise among our politicians for centuries now. It is quite high time the WHO declared this an epidemic and called for aid or a wipeout (preferably of both the disease and the said diseased). Alternately, it could be the next big FB movement.
11. To re-emphasize, I hate politicians – yes, all of them and believe they should be packed off to a galaxy far, far way.
12. Haha! I am writing all this with the happy (refer to #2) assumption that someone is actually reading this! At your own peril then!
13. I never registered to vote until end-ish 2008 (you do the math!).
14. My first real pet(s) ever – 5 teeny-weeny fish brought in 2 weeks ago! And erm, I am a dog person.
15. I am also a cheese person. I like to eat it, ie.
16. I have petted real tigers. Many of ‘em.
17. I get very worried about the fact that my (scientifically-proven small) brain is crammed with so much useless trivia and even more useless memories that there will soon be no room left for the really important things.
18. I hate being told what to do/how to do/when to do, etc. I am programmed to react in exactly the opposite manner whenever that happens and hence, it is useless to try that.
19. Office meetings, large groups, crowded places make me go into the deluded-invisible mode – signs and symptoms include chronic incoherence, glazed staring into space and/or rapid-fire blinking. This is usually followed immediately by profuse-perspiration-and-parched-throat-it is. (anyone having encountered me in one of these will be nodding wisely about #3 now)
20. I think the world (or at least, many offices I know!) could be a better place if we just did our own work to the best of our abilities and not as much spend time/energy on *sigh* politics. (see?)
21. My family and friends will always be # 1 on my priority list. However, they only make it to # 20 on this one.
22. I am quite obsessive about hygiene and cleanliness at home. (Not to say that I cease to be or anything away from it)
23. I l.o.v.e. cooking and more so when (any!) others like my cooking.
24. Positively blasphemous: I have not read a single Wodehouse till date, I have not watched any of the Star Wars movies, and I have not heard any Grateful Dead (sorry, Soumik!)
25. This is positively the last time I let 1/4th (ref: #1) con me in to one of these things!

Open Letter to L.K. Advani

Dear Mr Advani,

Hope this letter finds you in good health – after all you’ll need all that more to pursue your lifelong dream of grabbing being elected the Prime Minister for many more hundred decades to come and with ever-increasing rabidity vigour at that.

Let me begin by saying that I have never voted for you and your party. Before you jump and drool froth “Congress Conspiracy”, let me also tell you that I have never voted for the Congress either...nor for the CPI/M/Z/K/P…nor the Samaj(Hah!)wadi Party, the Bahujan Samaj Party…etcetera…etcetera…you see, I am one of those statistics in the electoral rolls – educated, earning, urban, but never voted.

So why this letter? You see, you and I have finally discovered something in common – both of us have finally stopped pretending. Just like the terrorists have stopped pretending they have a cause, you have stopped pretending that you care about this country and its people – whatever their religion/caste/income bracket be.

Actually, you did that right that day when you crossed the length and breadth of this country for an exercise ridden with cheap thrills and culminating in one of our great historical monuments being vandalized. I kept quiet then.

You did that when you kept quiet while churches and poor folks burned. In fact, you leapt up in defense of all your pals who were doing this. I seethed, but did not speak.

Time and time again, you continued to parrot the “H” word (like a kabaddi game on drugs) so much so that I disassociated myself from the religion I was born in to out of sheer embarrassment.

You had quick statements to make each and every time we the people came under a terrorist attack – but they were not about us. There were complaints/accusations/ whines/watchamacalit…but never a rational solution. You actually went the extra mile to blame the guys who were doing this job! I raged, grieved, and looked on helplessly for a couple of days and then ultimately, silence.

But now, I am done with all that. As are you. You have finally gone and done it – shed the pretence. By skipping the All-party meeting called by the Prime Minister at this time and choosing instead to continue campaigning, you and I came together on that common ground.

Only one thing though – one campaigns for votes...right? And these votes are won based on issues and the candidate’s ability to solve them? Well then, guess what the single biggest issue in this country is today? (Hint: rhymes with “schmerrorism”) and aw shucks, you skipped missed your chance to be - for once - useful. Tough.

As for me, I have stopped pretending that I don’t count in this country and that not voting for you is probably bringing you the power to do all that you have done and continue to do in a platter more than anything else. So, I am happy (for myself) to inform that I have begun the procedure to register myself to vote.

And I will vote. But not you. Never you.

So, here’s to good health, coz you gotta keep coming back to try and grab this one.


Goodbye and good luck.
Long suffering Citizen - India

Djokovich - all for one and one for all

Found this hilarious video on YouTube - This is Novak Djokovic (in the 2007 US Open players' dressing room area) mimicing all his contemporaries. Watch him 'do' Roger, Rafa, Roddick...and even Sharapova!

Indian Ish-ports - kuch khayalat

• Ching-Chong China-Mina Donkey-Monkey STOP!: I bet this is what the US Sporting fraternity as well as half the rest of the world is fervently chanting what with China having stamped it’s authority on the Olympics - both in the actual events and in their organization. On a personal note, I wish we could have the same (or even similar) gritty and determination, but we as a country/culture lack the discipline to make significant inroads into newer sports. Heck, we don’t even better the ones we’ve been in for donkey’s years. I don’t say we don’t want to, we just don’t get away enough from the dream to translate this to reality.
• Dhishkayeon-Dhishkayeon: One guy does get away – and he only incidentally belongs to India. He would have achieved this feat if he belonged to any other country. Really. So, bravo to him and may he dream on. On a personal note, he would rise far more in my esteem if he were to donate all his prize money to better facilities for others of his sport and perhaps, other sports too. If he chooses not, well hey, more glory to him.
• The Kumars at Number 1: At least, that’s what I am hoping! Though, the number 1 among the Kumars did have a heartbreaking loss yesterday. Hope is a four-letter word alright, but kambakth ussi pe duniya kayam hai!
• Hockey mein chhakke nahi hote: …and evidently hamare cricket matches mein bhi.
• Vamos Rafa Vamos!: A truly utterly deeply heartfelt moment of joy to see Rafael Nadal get the gold on the eve of his world number 1 coronation. Though, on a rather petty note, I would have liked it better if Federer had been the one to beat in the finals. His game was shockingly and rather embarrassingly un-Roger-y in the match against Blake. As a Rafa fan, it would have been somehow more satisfying if it were he and only he who could beat the mighty Fed on any surface. But, sigh, Fed seems to have his own plans here.
• Of pervy-pervs and nervy-nerves: Was it just me or did the weightlifting coach of one of the USSR offshoots keep slapping his ward at the bottom each time before her bout? And then there was this (mutually consenting) huggy-kissy-touchy-feely between a US gymnastics contestant and her coach each time she went to perform and returned after. I am no moral police but she was 16, I think.
• Saina ka kya kehna: The nerves in the previous point actually were in reference to this spunky 18-year-old. Ahhh…to go down after being up 11-3 in the decider is a pain only she can know of. My deepest regards for her game and spirit and thank you, Saina for allowing us to genuinely gloat, albeit for a few minutes in that match! We know who to look out for in London, 2012 – as do the badminton contingents of every other nation.

Bas…abhi picture to baaki hai…aur ye post bhi….I guess.

Coming of Age

No, this post is not about turning 30 (which…sigh…btw I did half a year ago!) nor is it about getting grey hair (have p-lenty of those too thanks to some over-anxious genes!) nor yet is it about Vijay Mallya suddenly waking up to the cricket/sports side of the IPL (as opposed to the corporate side he but insisted on telling all of us about)

So, what is the fuss all about? It is about many cricketing truths and non-truths (not lies, just non-truths) and myths and non-myths birthing and bursting all around. (so, you see this post could just have well been called “Whee! Whoo! Whee! Oops! Ulp.” – oh wait, that’s probably already taken by the cheerleaders.)

The grand IPL fest*– first up, I have to admit I was one of the “purists” (the quotes because I certainly cannot claim to know-know cricket in any form really – for example, I still have trouble with field-placing-names (?), who’s batting - even when clearly, there is a left-hander and a right hander at the crease and so, it should be easy to figure who hit the big one/got out, etcetera…etcetera) who pooh-poohed at twenty-twenty and scorned and scoffed about it NOT being a sport and rather a gimmicky extravaganza. Well, cut to now, and I have to say I have been feverishly following each game and the league table has done what no math teacher could ever do in his/her lifetime - make me want to learn some math (no, no, still can’t do much beyond “wanting to”!) so well, essentially, I did not see myself watching these matches with any interest beyond a polite nod sort of a thing etc. but w.o.w. that one has definitely turned on it’s head now!

On a related note, thanks to the three-hour format (and the change in cities) I have managed to actually watch not one but two matches LIVE in two of my favorite stadiums in the whole wide world! That was and is something else! Just one more to go in my list of must-must-must-go** stadiums now!

The new and improved big McCullum aka I am loving it - The first one (that I visited – it’s actually the second on the must-must-must-go list) was easy – it’s the home ground in my city – Chinnaswamy. And as luck would have it (yeah, baby way to go-o!) this was the inaugural match and SO, got to watch the whole opening ceremony shingbang as well! My first sight of the stadium was overwhelming – I almost took a step back at the sight and sound of it all, but when some oxygen (and a firm kick on the backside from my husband) finally kick-started some of my brain cells again, I realized that it looks a lot smaller than I always imagined it to be having watched it on TV. The next realization being that the seats are not numbered and so the grumble-grumble hunt for decent seats began. From then on it was a dream run with the innings of a lifetime (sadly, I think for all time really…I mean outside of 20-20, the IPL…the works) in the first half and the wind knocked out of the sails of the home team in the second half. The great thing about that match (for me) was that it was the only one everyone watched without any bias for any team – I mean, we were hardly to know then of the nerve-wracking-ly exasperating ways of the Knight Riders or the perennial gloom and doom of the Royal Challengers.

From double whammy to double blow aka OUCH that hurts - My next IPL outing was destined to be in the home ground of the Knight Riders – the Eden Gardens! Well, it almost did not happen thanks to the lights-off issue that happened just a match before my scheduled evening out…but then, it happened and when it did, I almost wished it had not happened after all! Why? Because part of my whole Eden thing was of course to be on the winning side and witness and be a part of the legendary-and –notorious-in-the-same-breath Eden crowd – the deafening roars that don’t let players hear what they are thinking, the passion that reduces (visiting and sometimes even the home) teams to tears or joys…and the double pleasure for me was that the opponents for that match were the Mumbai Indians – which meant that I would see – going weak in the knees now – Sachin Tendulkar*** play! Now, THAT did not happen (though I pretty much bino-stalked him at any given opportunity) AND the Knight Riders lost to the then flimsy side!!!

No life aka N.O. L.I.F.E. – all in all, this darn thing has taken over whatever semblance of a social life I had - no calls must be taken (the opposing side inevitably hits boundaries while I make those strange sounds**** on the phone) during match hours, dinner should be arranged between overs as should loo breaks and other sundry activities and heaven forbid if anyone should drop by – CLEARLY, WE ARE NOT AT HOME! I am compelled to add here – though thankfully, for reasons completely unrelated to anything mentioned in this post – that I am without a job these days having quit recently and being on a break (HAH!) so, that completes the spectrum of my life these days…and probably/hopefully/wishfully explains the nyet-itty of the life bit some!

Fee fie fo fum aka ho hum – The news channels have really got under my skin the mostly inane and some insane shows in the name of this tournament are really something else. I mean, even without this tournament there was plenty to groan about these channels, but really, when I say I have no life I truly wonder about there nyet-itty quotient! There are some really sad people out there but what is sadder still (for all of us out here) is that they actually get paid to dish out this trash and the channels actually earn money off these! The biggest grosser (in more ways than one!) is the host channel itself (purportedly not a news channel…not even a sports channel….clearly their talent lies in numbing and killing the brain one cell at a time) What do I know? Maybe it is all part of some larger strategy that will ensure people like me will never be able to go back to the real world after the tournament ends (Well mwahahaha to you too!)

In all of this, rather guiltily so, all my other top (spectator-)sports have been getting “step-time treatment” from me. I hardly followed the Hamburg tournament but at the every least managed to watch all of the men’s finals – which has until now been the only exception in a long chain of whoever-I-support-frustrating-comes-close-to-winning-but loses – with Nadal winning despite last year’s loss and a semi-injury scare early on. Football, however, has taken rather a beating – what with the EPL season now over and the Champion’s league finals having just concluded. Last year, we had to put anti-glare on the TV screen to protect it from my eyes. But hey, we move on to more sedate lives now.

Back to the IPL and since it is not quite over yet, I am pretty sure there will be more to say and hear soon. I still hang on to some shreds of hope wrt the teams I want to see in the semis and the finals, but I would rather not tell now - old age brings superstitions with it. So, I guess, in a way, turning 30 does have something to do with it after all. Hmmm.

*I know I know - this epithet is not grand or (remotely) festive but every other combination possible being conjured and (ab)used by news channels for their various before the big game, expert panel lead up to the big game, breaking big game blurbs, during the big game, post big game analysis shows, this was the only non-copyright-violating-y-name I could use here.

**then there are the must-must-go’s, the must-go’s and so on…

*** do NOT bother to comment/opine on Sachin’s decline since his “hey day” and blah…if you still want to…go ahead but what I mean is that there is no point you can make here (to me)…seriously

**** last call received from new mother informing us about the “good news“ response to that “Ga Ga GAAH! NOOOOOOO!”